Overheard in a Vet Clinic-Part Eleven

Is that culture plate ready yet?

No, not yet... my armpit just isn't putting off heat like it used to.

Overheard in a Vet Clinic-Part Ten

Client:

Hey! I brought you guys a present! (holds up a brown paper bag)

Receptionist:

Oh cool! You finally got Fluffy's stool sample?

Client:

Uh, no. I baked you guys some cookies. But thanks for the review of my cooking!

Overheard in a Vet Clinic-Part Nine

Giving some advice:

Yeah... he's pretty nervous.

Like, how nervous? Rip your face off nervous?

No... more like, "there are bugs crawling all over my skin and a lit stick of dynamite up my butt" kind of nervous.

Oh, well that we can deal with.

Overheard in a Vet Clinic-Part Eight

Wow... somebody's been chewing on his nipple!

Overheard in a Vet Clinic-Part Seven

Oh... my... GOD. Get your butt out of your food!

Overheard in a Vet Clinic-Part Six

So I was shaving the poop off her cat's butt and he shot his anal glands at me! I laughed, but she was so embarassed and went, 'OMG, I am so sorry! I can't believe he did that!' And I told her not to worry because if someone was shaving my butt and I had the ability, I'd do the same thing!

Haha, yeah, and the thing is that when someone is doing that to me, at least I know why and that it'll be over soon- you can't explain that to an animal.

....someone shaves your poop-covered butt???????

Overheard in a Vet Clinic-Part Five

What would cause a 12 year old to suddenly realize that he can make love to a pillow... a comforter... and a sweater?

My internal monologue: Human? Cat? Dog? Please let it be a cat or dog.....

Overheard in a Vet Clinic-Part Four

Gross! What is that on the front of your scrubs???

Hmmm. Could be vomit, could be diarrhea, could be surgery scrub. Or is it blood?

Overheard in a Vet Clinic-Part Three

"Is she playing with a dried out cookie???? Or is that a dried out piece of poop?"

Overheard in a Vet Clinic-Part Two

"Are you licking your leg? Is that why you're a big drooly-ball?"

Overheard in a Vet Clinic-Part One

Oh, come here.... yup, you have diarrhea on your face.

There, that got it!