Remember Me?

I am back on the Internet! Well, I have actually been back on for a few days now, but have been too busy to update. Or lazy. Or overwhelmed. However you want to look at it. Surprisingly, I have gotten a couple of e-mails from friends that have said, "UPDATE YOUR BLOG!!! WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU???" Which is flattering, to say the least!
So, here's my rundown of the past week:
Saturday (8/30):
Got up early in the morning to go to work. Yes, I am an overachiever who works the day that I move! So what?
After work, I frantically started to throw more things into the boxes, and quickly realized that even in two cars, I was going to have to leave some stuff behind for awhile. For those of you who don't know (I think most of you have been told in person), Jon will be keeping our old place for at least another month, and may not be moving down with me. I say may not because after The Break Up, we started to talk and work things out and there is a chance that we will start over. Or we won't. That's all up in the air at the moment.
Moving on...
After a whirlwind trip down, Martha, Karina and my mom (who had evacuated from the hurricane) flopped onto the floor to watch the pets stumble around drunkenly. Pretty amusing stuff!
Sunday (8/31):
Had breakfast with a friend of Martha and Karina... who also happens to be one of the doctors I will be working with starting Tuesday. The four of us had a lot of fun, and I was able to see the clinic two days before starting work! Which started a major attack of the nerves, which I staved off for the moment by going cleaning supply shopping with Karina, while Martha headed home. Bye, Martha! :(
Monday (9/1):
I am going to smack the next person who says, "Why are you nervous about starting work? You've done this job before!" OK, seriously, let me be nervous! Yes, I have worked in clinics for years, but not THIS clinic. Different clients, different co-workers, different techniques. Also, at my old job I was very happy 99% of the time. I don't WANT to do new stuff, because I was happy with my old stuff! Does that make sense? Not that I am not looking forward to work, but I've never started a new job without hating my previous job in some way! Plus, the desperation for everyone to LOVE me and for me to be PERFECT in every way puts a lot of pressure on new situations. So, Monday became a day to pace, agonize and read. And Karina went home. Bye, Karina! :(
Tuesday (9/2):
First day of work! I left an hour before I had to be there, and was thus 30 minutes early to work. Hey, I didn't know how bad traffic would be or if I would get lost. So, I was overly prepared. Better safe than sorry, right? Everyone at work was really nice, and it was basically a "getting to know you" kind of day. New faces, a new routine, but still good. Though admittedly, I was longing for the previous week, where Tuesday meant that I was setting up surgery, placing catheters, doing releases- basically a clear picture of what to do when because I had done the exact thing a million times before! Silly, I know, but I really hate changes to my routine. Actually, I didn't realize how much I hate change until now. I must be getting cranky in my old age.
Honestly though, I really think I am going to like the job a lot. I like the way they do things, and I like the specific delegations of responsibility within the nursing team as a whole. It just isn't MY routine yet!
Wednesday (9/3):
Praise the LORD, Internet was installed at home. Welcome back to the real world!
Thursday (9/4) and Friday (9/5):
Work, unpack, sleep, repeat. Somewhere in here, I caved into temptation and decided to get satellite TV, since my antenna only picks up one channel out here. I'm kind of mad at myself for that, but I'm missing all kinds of horse racing and news.
Today:
Had the best country breakfast at a little diner with my mom before she headed home. BEST... MEAL... EVER. Suddenly remembered reason number 8,000 that I wanted to move here. The bread was homemade from scratch, and unbelievably sweet. The eggs were fresh, the hash brown casserole was perfect, and the bacon just melted in my mouth. I mean, WOW. It put every other breakfast to shame!
This week-end has been about putting things away, and re-arranging furniture, but I took a break to fix supper for my grandparents. They came out and we had such a nice time eating, and then walking around the farm for awhile. Which brings us to now, with me digesting my wonderful chicken and rice while watching the sunset with the cats napping at my feet.

It's good to be a country girl!

Interview

So. My interview last week. I spent two hours talking with one of the doctors and the practice manager over lunch. They were very laid back, extremely friendly and I immediately liked them. Their practice is limited to cats only, which is one of the things that peaked my interest. Aside from my obvious rapport with cats, it is a lot less physically demanding. Not to mention quieter!
The thing that impressed me the most was their high standard of care, and the intelligence demanded of the employees. Continuing education is required of all employees, paid for by the clinic. In addition, they conduct their own weekly staff training, after which employees are required to take a test. They offer incentives for scoring high on these exams; their goal is to have very few, very intelligent, well-trained employees. After hearing about that, I felt that the job would be right up my ally. I love to learn, I love continuing education meetings and... I am kind of a snob about where I work. I have to work with intelligent people, in a high-quality environment. I've heard horror stories about other veterinary clinics, where animals were not cared for properly, surgeries were not sterile, the clinic was unclean or people just plain old didn't care about the animals. And I can't work like that, I just can't. I have more respect for myself and the patients than that, and it sounds like this clinic feels the same way. Hearing about their practice made me so excited that it took me forever to even register the fact that they offer a nice salary, really nice hours and excellent benefits. All of that would be the icing on the cake!
At the end of our meeting, they let me know that they really felt like I would do well there, but that there were some things that they needed to sort out first. They promised to call me within a week to let me know. Which means that for the past 6 days, I have been on pins and needles, wondering if I would get the job, checking my cell phone obsessively for missed calls and re-hashing the interview in my mind- did I say anything stupid? (Besides saying that I liked to be "mentally challenged" at work. In answer to their laughter, I said, "Oh! I mean challenged mentally! I mean, I like to use my brain! There, that's what I am trying to say!" Damn you, post-op pain medication!)
Well, apparently, I didn't come off entirely stupid, because I got The Call this morning! I accepted the job, of course which means that I will not only have a job that will be challenging and fulfilling, I will also be able to pay for the luxuries in life: you know, electricity, groceries, water...

Moving out of limbo

Well, Miss Luna Lou seems to be feeling better. I think she was incubating a little bug, and the stress of the car ride made her break with it. She was so excited to see me when I picked her up yesterday- just bouncing off the walls, zooming around like the puppy she is! She's on some medicine for the next few days, and is sleeping more than she normally does which I kind of expected. And she was pumped so full of fluids that we spent yesterday afternoon going outside every few minutes for a potty break!
Tomorrow morning, I am back to work after being off for ten days. I don't think I've been off of work for ten strait days in... ever. Even when I had pneumonia, I showed back up to work after about 4 days, only to be sent back home after a couple of hours. But I showed up!
Going back to work is pulling me out of this state of limbo that I have been in. It's like I went to sleep on July 31st and am waking up on August 11th. This realization hit me a few nights ago, and I have not slept well since. Moving looks a lot closer from August 11th than it did from July 31st, and the Whatif's are keeping me up every night:

Whatif all my stuff doesn't fit in the truck?

Whatif I have a delay in finding a job?

Whatif I forget to have the electricity/cable/Internet shut off here, and keep getting charged?

Whatif there is not enough people to help load/unload the truck?

Whatif I don't make friends?

Whatif all the cat carriers won't fit in the car?

Whatif all the animals get carsick?

Whatif I never sleep in the new house because it'll be so dark and quiet?

Whatif I can't find anyone to watch Luna while I'm gone?

Which dissolves into the how's, the what's, the where's, the when's, etc:

How soon should I get everyones' health certificates?

What medicines should I give them for the trip- nausea, sedation, both or neither?

How will they do the 48 hours that they stay up here while I'm moving all our big stuff?

How will I arrange the furniture?

What kind of Internet will I be able to get?

When should I switch the electricity over?

etc....

Oh yeah- I am in full stressed out mode! Who wants to go spend the day in a spa or something?

Because nothing is ever set in stone....

Just when I thought I had everything under control for my move, I was thrown another curve ball. My boss has offered to compensate me for staying on at the clinic until we have a well-trained replacement- a couple of extra weeks at the most. Which is actually something I had offered to do in the first place- see about staying with friends or something for a couple of extra weeks if it would smooth the transition. At the time, she refused, saying that she didn't want to apply that kind of pressure to me. However, with the hiring pool being so shallow (aren't we supposedly in a recession??? Shouldn't everyone be looking for a job???) good help is hard to find, and I think they are getting worried.

So, it looks like I may stick around as a homeless wanderer in between my move. And no, I will not be accepting the compensation- as I said, I'd planned to do that to begin with if it would be helpful to them. Leaving such wonderful bosses is the most difficult part of this move, and I feel so guilty about it that I would probably clean the whole clinic with a toothbrush if they asked me too!

Moving date, etc

I have gotten three (out of 3,000) things accomplished this week-end. The first was finishing my resume, which was difficult for me because I have done the same basic things at most of my jobs and did not want to reiterate too much, while still getting the point across. Re: I rock, hire me!

Secondly, I e-mailed a veterinarian friend of a friend in the area to get some direction on places to apply. My needs are pretty simple- nice doctors, a high standard of care and a place where I can utilize my skills (not just restrain animals all day). I've already researched some clinics on my own and more than likely, I will apply to places that have longer and/or emergency hours so that I will be able to stay full time and go back to school in January. Still, some input from a person who knows the area will be very helpful.

And finally, I think I have set the date for the move. My plan is to take the truck down the week-end of the 22nd, unload everything, then come back and work for one more week so that I can clean the old place and travel back with the cats separately. I think that coming into an already set up house would ease their transition.

The next step? Send out resumes and hope for the best!

June Part Two: What a mess!

Where to start this month? After the Triple Crown excitement, I sat down to write in my blog a million times and it never really happened. The second half of June was insane for me, as I continued with my "to move or not to move" dilemma, and I really felt like further lamenting over the difficulty of the decision would just get redundant. And even though I have been meaning to write about some of the really interesting cases we've seen lately, particularly ones that have highlighted the human/animal bond, I really couldn't focus beyond the elephant in the room.


So I postponed blogging, and saved the whole two people that read this blog from my indecision, because indecision basically sucks! I'm pretty sure that stressing over whether or not to move is what landed me in the doctors office, then in the radiology department drinking barium for the cameras while they checked for ulcers. I feel like I have officially worked in a veterinary clinic for way to long, because I found the whole process extremely amusing. I joked with the technician that this must be my punishment for all the times I'd forced barium down dogs and cats, then x-rayed them every couple of hours. She found it hilarious that animals would even take barium, and continued to joke around throughout the procedure. "Hey, don't bite me when I hand you this," and, "Don't make me have to hold you still!" I got more of the same from the PA and his assistant- joking, sympathy and reassurance that whatever was wrong could surely be fixed. I really appreciate medical professionals that act that way; leaving that dry, impartial stuff to the side and making the patient comfortable. When the people can offer a comfortable environment, hospitals are a lot less scary.


Just a couple of days and just a couple of doses of stomach medication later, I noticed a sore on my Kody's nose. I didn't get terribly excited until two days later, when he had a bloody sneezing fit followed by coughing. He winced in pain when I felt around on his nose for swelling. Immediately, I FREAKED OUT that he must have a squamous cell carcinoma in his nose, and that my biggest nightmare had come true. (Yes, I do get hysterical when it comes to my animals!) Well, a million X-Rays, a throat culture and a nasal culture later reveled no tumors. (Yay! Yay! Yay!) The cultures revealed MRSA in his nose and throat, which is something I potentially brought home from the clinic and exposed him to, and requires a very long, specific antibiotic treatment. Oh, the guilt!

So, here we are on June 29th. Unless something dramatic happens, I will be putting my two month notice in on this apartment the day after tomorrow. Having the decision to relocate irrevocably made will be a huge load off of my mind.

Except for arranging the move, looking for a job, packing........................

A very stressful month, indeed!

Chemo Therapy

This moving issue is plaguing my mind, mostly because I can't deal with having things up in the air. Yesterday, my boss and I were in the surgery room doing chemo on a dog- a fairly intensive process which entails all kinds of protective clothing, seclusion and patience. While she was administering the chemo, we started talking and the subject turned to my concern over my grandparents. When I commented that I just worried about the lack of help my grandfather seemed to have, she replied, "mmhmm, so when are you moving then?" When I replied that at this point, I was just worrying and not really making plans, she came back with, "Of course you are going to end up going. It's you. For Heaven's sake, I could be in Minnesota or something and call you for help, and you'd be there in a heartbeat. It's what you do." Well, I thought that was very touching. We continued talking about how I was a major asset there, and she could easily become very upset and tell me there was no way I could go, but in this situation that wouldn't really be fair. Still, she brought up some good points about how if I moved there, there was really no turning back, and I could easily be taken advantage of. Right now, there is an offer on the table for me to possibly have one-two three day week-ends per month, to allow me to go down there and help out, and see how I do with it before I make any big plans to uproot my whole life.

I thought that was an extremely generous offer, and it looks good on paper. No major changes, except that I would be available to help out my family more often. But it raises a ton of questions. Like, how will I pay the gas and wear and tear on my car? After an exhausting week, am I going to have the energy to drive all that way, or will I be selfish and stay home and nap? Would I take Jon with me, and if so, what do I do with the cats? Kody is the only one who travels well. In that same vein, there is always someone who needs me to watch their pets while they go out of town for the week-end, and I have never been good with the "no" word. If I am out of town for a three day week-end twice a month, that pretty much rules out going to school. But with such a nice offer, it would be rude not to at least try it, right?

This is going to make me crazy before it's over...... in the words of Johnny 5, "Input!!! I need INPUT!!!"

The Pro/Con List, Part One

I need to make a decision, because I am about to drive myself insane with indecision. All day long, thoughts warred in my head- every con to moving was met with a counter thought. I am really starting to worry that my thoughts are going to spin so fast that my head is going to pop off in a whirlwind. Which would not be a pretty sight.
So, here is my pro/con list for anyone who is bored enough to actually read and comment on it. My 'counter thoughts' are in italics.

Pro's to Moving:
-I would be close to my family, which means that I would be able to help out with my grandmother. I would also be close to many other family members.
-My grandfather knows everyone in the area, and most people there have known me since I was a baby. Finding a job would most likely not be a problem.
-Jon's work restrictions make it difficult to find a job- in a small town where everyone knows everyone, I think that people are more understanding of things like that.
-I have dreamed of living in the house my grandfather built on his secondary farm since I was small. If I were to move down there, it looks as though I could live there, on this beautiful farm with tons of fields, ponds and a creek. My old mare lives there amongst the cows, and I bet I could find her a buddy for trail rides!
-And, I could have a big Australian Shepard.
-I would pay my grandfather rent because it is the right thing to do, but probably less than I am paying now, which would mean that I didn't have to work constantly, picking up extra shifts and cleaning on the week-ends, just to pay the bills.
-I have been wanting to go back to school, but lack the flexibility to do so at the moment unless I go to night school, which would be extremely stressful on top of working the schedule I work now. Down there, I may have more flexibility in a schedule because money wouldn't be quite as tight.
-I am desperate for a change!!!

Cons to Moving:
- I would have to quit my current job, which would be so hard. I have never been so valued by a boss before, and I have never been so respected in a work atmosphere. If I left, my boss would be very hurt, and I would hate to do such a thing. Plus, experienced employees are hard to find, and I may never get over the guilt of leaving them high and dry. It would be extremely sad overall.
-While I know a lot of people in my grandparent's town, none of them are my age and I am rather shy about making friends. And I have several friends up here that I love. On the other hand, many of my friends have moved, and I rarely see the ones that are around here because of being so busy. We communicate via phone and e-mail anyway, so how would being three or four hours away change the friendships? When I moved down here, I stayed friends with everyone I moved away from, so this should be no different.
-My family drives me insane the majority of the time, and I like to keep a nice buffer there. While I want to be around them and help out, I do not want people tramping in and out of my home all the time, criticizing everything that I do.
-Where I am now, I have residency and could go to school this fall (although at night while working a ton) and be done with school probably within 1.5 years. If I moved, it would be another year to wait before starting school so that I could establish residency and not spend 5 million dollars on tuition. Yet another delay in my life. On the other hand, with Jon working and living costs down, I might be able to go to school full time and finish in much less time.
-Starting a new job- I hate starting new jobs! Actually, I hate change in general. And I am craving change- what does that say about my sanity??? :)

Ooooh, this is stressing me out!!!! I need to flip a coin, ask a magic eight ball... something! This is too much decision for me at the moment. Heck, maybe I'll leave it in fate's hands- if Big Brown wins the Triple Crown, I stay, anyone else wins the Belmont, I go. Or vice versa.

I'm only half kidding.

Decesions, Decesions.

This week-end was an extremely rough one for me for many reasons, and has left me with a lot to ponder over the next couple of days. My grandparents drove up this week-end to pick up Spike, which was much more difficult than I had expected. I worked with Spike a lot, potty training him and socializing him so that he would grow into a good dog for my grandparents. Well, it turns out that taking a dog with you everywhere for two weeks creates a bond- by the time they were ready to take him, I didn't even have to use a leash on him because he followed me within a foot wherever I would go. He always came when I called, responded to my commands and would rather take a nap on my lap over anyone else's. Even though I was thrilled with the way my grandparents responded to him, more than one tear was shed over that retreating car.
However, my heartbreak wasn't limited to losing my little puppy. For the past 2 years, I have watched my grandmother struggle with Alzheimer's disease, and I have watched my grandfather struggle to take care of her. Aside from fulfilling a longtime dream for my grandfather, I picked Spike out for his temperament. He is a dog that will run the farm with my grandfather, and then come home perfectly content to lay in my grandmother's lap so that she can pet him and have a little fuzzy creature to interact with. Even during their short visit, I could see this dynamic falling into place just as planned.
I probably have a closer relationship with my grandparents than most grandchildren do because of my rocky, disjointed upbringing. It really bothers me to see them struggle the way that they are right now, and other family members are not in the position to help out the way that they should, either due to other obligations or plain old lack of patience.
So I have a decision to make. Morally, I feel obligated to move down there and help out. The other side of my morals thinks that it would be wrong to walk out on the life and job that I have here. Selfishly (unselfishly?), I am desperate for a change in my life and this would not only be a great excuse, it would also feel good to make a change that would benefit my family. At the moment, I am being an emotional, indecisive wreck. Pro/Con lists, possibly MANY of them, will be following over the next few days.