1936-2008

When I was making the decision to move down here, family was a big motivator. Aside from my grandparents needing help, I have a lot of cousins, aunts and uncles that I really enjoy seeing. Saturday, I stopped by my great-aunt and uncle's farm for a visit. Their farm has been in the family for nine generations, and I love it out there. Some of my earliest memories are of their house, whether it be walking down to a catfish-ridden pond, driving the truck (at age seven!) through the fields while my great-uncle threw hay in the back, or playing with the Mickey Mouse dolls that covered my cousin's room. When they weren't home, I wasn't terribly disappointed since I knew it would be a good month or so before they headed down to warmer climates for the winter. I had plenty of time to see them.
Tuesday morning, I got the news that my uncle David had suffered a massive heart attack during the night. He didn't survive.
This week has been a flood of emotions for me. Regret that I had missed seeing him on Saturday night. Sadness at the loss. Heartbreak for my aunt; they were married 49 years and I have never seen two people who's love was so... sustained. They were affectionate, fun-loving best friends. When I was a little girl, they worked together running a feed mill. Upon retirement, they bought a motor home and spent most of the year on the road together. When they were not on the road, they were still together- playing tennis, riding bikes or entertaining friends and family. For them to lose each other is so sickeningly unfair- how many people ever have a love like that in their lifetime?
And then you have my grandmother, who forgets that she lost her brother several times a day. Each time she remembers, or is reminded by people wishing to offer her some comfort, is is a fresh shock. A fresh grief. The visitation was the worst since everyone was there for hours; after grieving madly, she forgot what everyone was gathered for and believed that she was at a party, until she was reminded again. The cycle of anger/ shock/ sadness followed by the happiness of being at a party with her closest family and friends was sickening. It tore me up. But I am glad that I could be there for her, offer some comfort and hopefully make things a little bit easier. Alzheimer's is a wretched, wretched disease.
This past week has made me think a lot about the unstoppable cycle of life, the inevitability of the end and the unpredictability and unfairness of it all!